Some of these walls we can clearly see ahead of us, we just don't know how to break them down. Others are invisible to us, and we only realize they are there when they keep us from going where we want.
I met Sara a few years ago. She was an excellent professional, confident, rational, a leading woman. She had a huge challenge ahead of her - restructuring her organization - promoting talent and functional capabilities by streamlining and improving processes. Sara had a clear vision of what had to be done and a detailed plan of how to get there. In fact, she was already taking important steps in that direction.
But at each step, she was faced with a wall she had not anticipated: one of her stakeholders was not fully in line with what was planned and her line manager was testing her ability to manage the transformation without advising her along the process.
She was alone, totally convinced that this was the right direction and assuming she had the confidence and support of key stakeholders to move the project forward. She was frustrated that she was not getting any traction and that she was not recognized by her line manager for her tremendous effort to bring the transformation to success.
The reality is that she did not see the wall that was built in front of her. That was the first step in supporting her - helping her to be aware of this stroke. We cannot tear down the walls that we do not see.
There are more walls that are even harder to see and not necessarily easier to break down: the walls we build ahead of ourselves. Some are related to lack of skills, capacity, unwillingness, and there are even those we build by FEAR.
Coaches often see the wall of fear growing ahead of them as they listen, peel, untie, and challenge the facts, thoughts, feelings, and concerns shared by the coachee. We can see how fear retracts the coachees and makes them hostage to themselves. Therefore, you must start negotiating with the kidnappers.
Manuel was one of the top managers of a multinational company, having 25 years of experience in different business roles. He was very educated, very experienced, passionate, full of energy and ambition, always facing life and work with a positive attitude, focusing on finding solutions, building bridges between different functions and nurturing his professional relationships.
However, he was not assertive when communicating, nor when making decisions, because he was afraid of making mistakes that could cause him to lose his job. He felt that he was losing credibility and respect. He was lost and afraid. In addition, his boss constantly reinforced this negative cycle: he upset him daily, called him a weak leader, told him that others always won him, and stressed that he had to improve or be fired.
He felt frustrated and humiliated, but also committed to changing his behavior and being more assertive with his stakeholders to regain respect. He was straining and banging his head against the wall in an attempt to overcome fear. But fear was making him lose his job.
Most people are afraid of being fired because they support their families, mark their career, their reputation, and their self-love. But most of all they fear losing the respect of others, their children, wife or husband, parents.
Losing a job is one of the most impactful changes in people's lives. Therefore, the fear of losing the job is common and completely legitimate. But we can free ourselves from this fear. In fact, we need to free ourselves from this fear. Or are we going to be weak, fearful and embarrassed leaders? We need to eliminate fear to give wings to our potential.
The first step is to climb the wall of fear and look the other way, to imagine ourselves living without fear. What would be different if I wasn't afraid of being fired? How would I feel? How much would I improve as a professional? How much would it improve my life? What does it take to free me from this fear? What is my plan?
This is where the coaching journey begins, a journey that reveals possibilities and generates conscious choices.
Coaching gives the opportunity to find out what you really want, to face reality, to see the walls in front of you and to cast out Fear and embrace Possibility. Coaching provides the environment and methodology to reflect with quality, to safely challenge your own premises, to look comfortably at you and to be confronted with the questions that will lead to the answers you seek. To make conscious choices and act accordingly.